Tag Archives: School

ocd is the way to be

A few more days until New York.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notable things that have happened in the past week:

1) A mentally ill person told me I looked like a model. Well thank you kind sir, I’ll take that with a grain of salt.

2) I ate waaay too many refried beans. Need I say more.

3) I shared my New York itinerary with a co-worker. Then they asked me if I’m OCD, to which I vehemently denied and countered with the suggestion that I am simply organized.

4) I tried seeding the lawn. I’ve watered it religiously. Nothing has happened.

5) I gave a presentation summing up my Masters program. Luckily I didn’t faint, but I was too stressed to eat, hence #2 (I suppose that applies to both interpretations).

6) The dentist congratulated me on having no cavities, while telling me I might have gingivitis in the same breath. I told her it could possibly be the fact that I wore my retainers the night before. She seemed to humor me and say “Sure that could very well be it.”

7) I saw Florence and the Machine for free on a weeknight. Man I was living the crazy life.

8) I decided that I will not be seeing the movie The Lucky One because I’m super uncomfortable with the fact the actress looks so much older than Zac Efron. Deep, I know.

I’m ready for, and in need of a vacation.

 

Carry-ons and Cocktails,

Swan

Tagged , , ,

mo’ money, mo’ problems…unless you’re a garbage man

Red Roses are the poster child of Valentine’s Day.

Just accept the obligatory pic of Eleanor.

Since I work in an office environment, and Valentine’s Day fell on a weekday, I was subjected to the parading of bouquets.

Yes, I realize it is now April. No, I do not care that this post is two months past due.

To get back on track, this year the unthinkable happened.

One of my co-workers received a bouquet with just enough far too many carnations and too many not enough roses. Naturally her husband felt slighted by the florist.

someecards.com - It's not what you do for me on Valentine's Day that matters but the amount of jealousy it provokes in others

This my friends was the birth place of the all-encompassing term: Carnation Catastrophes.

A Carnation Catastrophe is something people deem as a significant inconvenience, when in reality no one gives a shit. Let’s be real, some people are swatting flies off their ration of bread. So the fact that my IPhone is slower than a stay at home mom allowing her child to order at Starbuck’s, doesn’t really reach to the higher levels of significance. Side note: Mark my words, I will not allow my children to make decisions that most adults find difficult, especially during the morning rush with a line out the door.

So what are some examples of a carnation catastrophe? Well I’m glad you asked.

  • My Mercedes is in the shop, so I can’t drive to Whole Foods everyday to purchase my special bread. Beetle, are suffering from PTSD? P.S. I want my bread sliced, and where are your free samples, and why can’t I just buy half a loaf, and I understand it’s Sperlonga Saturday, but can’t we pretend it’s Cranberry Walnut Wednesday! 
  • My house is too warm from the heater at night so I have to sleep with the fan on and it keeps me awake. Yes I know. I should have just turned down the heater, but we had company, and frankly I’d sleep on an ice cap if you let me because I enjoy being cold at night. Bring on the earplugs.

You get the idea.

So what are some examples of real catastrophes?

  • Human remains found on a waste management conveyor belt at the recycling center. Just when you think the world couldn’t get weirder, it surprises you with this Monday morning headline as you drink your Grande coffee….after you waited in line because of the indecisive 7-year old.
  • Charles Manson coming up on his parole. I have no words. I literally had nightmares for weeks based on a documentary I saw about Manson’s escapades. Yes you are correct, that is a euphemism. 

So spread the filler flower love.

I like to think of it as a reminder that I really have no reason to complain. My husband is notorious for telling me “Life’s good!” during my self imposed stressful situations. While it drives me insane, I appreciate his approach.

So taking a page from the “Manual on How to Live Life Like a Care-Free Man” I’ll do my honest best to keep from cursing the world for the next 36 days until I obtain my Masters. Cry me a river, right?  Carnation catastrophe at it’s finest.

Oh, and someone buy the garbage man who found a body while sifting through recycled cans a Mercedes. He deserves it more than the bitch who’s schizophrenic about bread.

Ok, I swear I’m done complaining now.

Foliage and Garbage,

Swan

Tagged , ,

is the tassle worth the hassle

Last night I sat on the couch and knitted. Intensely.

A month ago I proclaimed that I wished I was homeless because school was stressing me out. To which my friend wisely said, “I’m worried about you!”

When watching Jackass re-runs I can’t help but think they are being incredibly irresponsible and destructive for no reason.

For the past three weeks in a row, The Voice has made me cry. Especially the sandwich guy and his complete and utter happiness for his opponent’s win during the battle round.

Just this week, Eleanor (the pug), has started growling and barking at a corner in my room. I instatneously jump to the conclusion that my room is haunted by a ghost puppy.

Last night I listened to an entire Justin Bieber song, and then proclaimed, “It’s not that bad.”

What does this all mean?

Perhaps I’m slowly losing my marbles….like this guy.

However, in his defense, I am utterly impressed and entertained by this YouTube Video which I think suggests something about my sanity right now.

Yesterday I bought my cap and gown for graduation. The gentleman who sold me my overpriced apparel was so chipper. He proclaimed he planned to attend graduate school in the coming years. My head said, “Only do that if you want to have no life, be exhausted all the time, and pay money to work for free!” But my heart said, “Oh that’s great, good luck!” Who am I to crush the dreams of others. May 18th cannot come soon enough. 50 Days…not that I’m counting.

Degrees and Fees,

Swan

 

 

Tagged ,
%d bloggers like this: