Has anyone ever referred to you as the HGTV Hilter?
I wish I could say the same.
Let’s take a trip back into time….way back…back to the end of escrow. It was a glorious Spring day, filled with chirping birds, blossoming flowers, and electric saws.
When buying a home I felt it important to keep an open mind, look past any flaws, and be willing to DIY the shit out of things. While this is good in theory, it’s a miracle my husband and I survived it because, you guessed it, I was referred to as the HGTV Hitler.
Barking demands left and right…at least this is what I’m told. It’s all honestly a blur. I blacked out like a trauma victim.
Within a few weeks of entering the house my husband and I, with a little more emphasis on the husband, tackled the following:
Repainting the kitchen cabinets
Removing the popcorn ceiling
Re-texturizing the ceiling
Removing all doors and closet doors, painting them, putting them back up
Ripping up the carpet
Installing (most of) the new flooring
Removing and replacing all window blinds
Fixing the hot water heater
Installing all new kitchen and laundry appliances
I think this is all of it…
This list is crazy and I’m the first one to admit it.
So, with all of that being said we’ve taken a little break (eh, a year and a half or so) from the house for a lot of reasons. However the main one being we were exhausted and didn’t have Jeff Lewis to help us…
…or David Bromstad.
(Considering the people I would have wanted to be our helpers, I suppose our big problem was that neither of us are gay males. This seems like a huge oversight on my part)
Things were good and lazy…until this past weekend.
We did the following:
Cleaned and organized the garage, Pulled weeds, Made 5 trips to the dump, Cleaned up probably a years worth of dog shit in the yard (I wish this could be an exaggeration or that I could be embarassed about it), Shopped for and put together a new bed frame and hall bathroom
After all of this we celebrated with copious amounts of beer, food, and laughter. Man we felt accomplished. You’d think we’d just freed slaves, or discovered fire.
I wish I could say this was the end of this long, drawn out tale. But alas, we are about to embark on a whole new level of home improvement.
Oh Johnathan Taylor Thomas, moare affectionately known as JTT, what ever happened to your acting career? I thought you surely were a shoe in at the Oscars after your stellar performance in Man of the House. Your emotion during the rain dance scene made me cry.
So anyway, we will be tackling the roof.
Yes, the part of our house that protects us from the elements.
Yesterday they delivered a dumpster to my front yard, ya know, for ‘roof garbage’ or whatever. I was having renovation PTSD. Hopefully I don’t go all Leutenant Dan on people and start shouting war commands like “Hand me the hammer!” or “Yeah, you heard me right, we’re painting everything…even the ceiling and I’m aware that’s inconvenient.”
Wish us luck. We will need it. We cuss a lot.
Nails and Epic Fails,
And as a side note: Dear HGTV, you are deceptive. It’s not easy or fun to be a ‘Weekend Warrior’. Home improvements suck. Home improvements are no walk in the park. Your shows are just as bad as the Pantene Pro-V commercials I would watch as a child. My hair never looked that smooth or satiny. You made me believe my house would look professionally put together on a paupers budget. Blasphemy. My house may never have baseboards or working electrical sockets. I’ve come to terms.