Tag Archives: Books

bows and arrows don’t kill people, people kill people

It’s been a while, I know. Master’s degrees are no joke, they take up way too much time.

On to important news:

I think my list of things that make me fear for society needs to be extended. So sit back, relax, and soak up the reality of 2012.

1) Remember when books were about web’s made by Charlotte, or where the wild things are? Not anymore. Now books are about 12-18 year-olds figuring out how to kill each other.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m on the bandwagon. I’m drinking the Katniss Everdeen Kool-Aid and am now enlightened into understanding my complete and utter inability to survive in a society where the object is killing off your children for sport. Saturday night 7:10, Century Theaters, front row.

someecards.com - Let's kick off spring by sitting in a dark theater watching teenagers murder each other

2) Why is there the ability to buy two plane tickets for one person. That. Should. Never. Happen.

3) When a perfectly respectable donut shop also decides to sell Pho soup for lunch. This odd pairing is too much for me. I could never ever get past the pungent sugar smell mixed with sodium infused broth. I fear this odd combination may only be the beginning. Businesses are finding some interesting ways to stay afloat. I however, will not be able to support this endeavor. Unless it’s a scone shop that also sells pizza. Note to self: Write down this amazing business idea.

4) Since when did 20 year olds begin dominating the banking business. They can barely tie their shoes, let alone advise me on whether or not I need a money order or a certified check. Go back to Starbuck’s where you belong! I enjoy your witty banter when I’m purchasing my over priced, burnt espresso latte, but I’d rather not have my checking account open while you talk about funny YouTube videos about girls who can’t do math.

5) Shopping used to be fun. Now it sucks. If I have to hear, “No I’m sorry we don’t have that, but you should check online” one more time. I might just have a meltdown and scream in the store. Why do you have a store if you aren’t going to carry the product? The world is minimizing the need for retail workers by always having 30 pairs of size 2 jeans and nothing else. Size 2 is for anorexics or pre-teens…give me a meat and potatoes size. I’ll buy it I swear.

6) And last on my rant list today….articles titledĀ Why You Should Never Retire.

 
Side note: Dear Peyton Manning~ How am I to enjoy your new team and all that it represents? When just last week they were praying with Tim Tebow and washing their uniforms with Tide Extra (ya know…to get out the grass stains from kneeling so much). Regardless, I have some serious soul searching to do before next Fall. I suppose you could win me over, somehow, but it will be difficult. I’ll keep you posted.

Scones and Pizza,

Swan

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all the cool kids have walking canes and coke bottle glasses

Flashback Friday

Dear Waldo,

I hope you don’t mind if I ask you a few questions.

First question: How on earth do you travel so much Waldo?

Second Question: How do you smell so fresh and so clean clean when you’re always wearing the same outfit?

Third Question: Are you originally from a cold climate, hence the beanie?

Fourth Question: Is your favorite holiday Christmas?

Oh Waldo, you seem to love your gypsy ways. Thank you for sending me so many postcards from your destinations, but I’m having a hard time spotting you.

Oh there you are….oh no wait…that’s a red and white striped towel. Who did you go to the beach with? Was it the man who got a severe sunburn from his holy shirt? Or perhaps it was the large lass in red heading towards the water to take a dip?

Oh fooled me again with that red and white striped loin cloth. Why is it so crowded Waldo? Are you eating spaghetti? You know you could have just made that at home, it would have saved you the hassle. Unless of course you’re having an Eat, Pray, Love moment. Eat on my dear Waldo, eat on.

WTF…there’s a man who’s wearing the exact same shirt as you. That really doesn’t seem fair. Is this a laundry expo? Why would you ever want to go to that? Plus women are being assaulted left and right! One woman has a Peeping Tom exposing her in the dressing room, and another women is having her outfit literally sucked off her body by a vacuum.

You’re kind of an adventurer aren’t you Waldo. I guess that’s cool. You clearly don’t have social anxiety. Always a plus.

Enjoy your travels.

Wizard Whitebeard and Wenda,

Swan

p.s. What’s your vision prescription?

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whistle while you work

It’s a lazy Sunday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well I just finished reading the latest book by my favorite author.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was ok. I can’t wait for the Lifetime movie. Yeah I’ll watch it…as long as Tara Reid isn’t in it. In all honesty I think his best book was The Virgin Suicides. That movie = depressing, so don’t let that be your judgement meter. Sofia I love your wine, but your movies require a trip to Disneyland afterwards in order to recover.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just don’t get starstruck when you see Snow White, and then have your husband take a picture of you with her strategically in the background instead of next to you.

Football and Pizza,
Swan

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